Questionably Fabulous

I suppose it is normal, these days, for grown children to attend the weddings of their parents…  Typically, though, it is a second or even third marriage for these parents. 

I have been fortunate enough, I think fortunate is the right word, to be at the FIRST wedding for BOTH of my fathers. 

Are they gay?  You ask.  Having two fathers, both getting married for the first time and given that I live in California, it’s a totally valid question, but no, neither are gay. 

My mother was with Michael when I was very young, he was my father for the early part of my life, my mother was then with Joseph for the later part of my childhood, he was my father through my teen years and therefore very prominent in my upbringing.  Both are my dads, but neither married my mother. 

In 2004 Joseph married Beth, I read during the ceremony and very much consider Beth to be my stepmother.  She’s a wonderful match for Joseph; they make each other very happy.  I always knew that my dad, Joseph, wanted a family and would go the traditional route. 

Michael, on the other hand, is not at all what you would call “traditional”.  He has never really believed in marriage, saying “No matter how wonderful the institution of marriage may be, why would you want to institutionalize yourself?”  He was a righteous 60’s leader claiming Civil Disobedience and Free Love as his primary motivators in life and behaved as such.  Even during his full time fathering years he was much more the “Cool Uncle Mike” versus a true father figure. 

I remember when I was 10, driving to dinner with him, my hairy pre-teen legs and bare feet propped up on the dash board of his Chevy Astro which smelled of turpentine and paint (he was a painter and painted the outside of his van often).  He turned to me out of the blue and said “So are you having sex yet?” 

“Eiwwww dad!” was my response!  I was 10 for goodness sakes and he knew darn well that I was not sexually active. 

“Good, there is plenty of time for that.  But you know you can always talk to yur ‘ole dad about these things when it comes up.  I know a thing or two!” 

A few years later almost the exact same scene unfolds – except this time my legs are shaved as I am a full blown teenager and am not really enjoying my “one on one time” with daddy dearest any longer.  Plus, I had already welcomed Joseph into my life and he was much more of a traditional father future for me – and that is what children need – even teenagers. 

I digress.  So there we were, me and Michael side by side in the Chevy Astro and he said, again without warning, “Have you tried any drugs yet?”

I was stunned.  My mother, a reformed hippie, had given me plenty of lectures about the dangers of drugs and I happen to be one of those teenagers who actually listened to their mother so of course my answer was no.  He then said something that epitomizes the man he is.  He said, “Ok.  Just let me know if and when you are ready to start experimenting.  I will buy whatever it is you want for you and stay with you through your use of it.  I’m an old pro and will help keep you kids safe.”

Say what? 

So anyway, Michael has been “partners” with three women since my mother.  All having accused him of infidelity and although he vehemently denies any wrongdoing, mysteriously the women he’s been accused of cheating WITH have always been the next one in line. 

So imagine my surprise after knowing Michael for 28 years when he announces that he is tying the knot.  Like, for real.  Like white dress, isle, marriage license, rehearsal dinner, boutonnières and bouquets REAL. 

Yes, clearly this woman is different than the rest.  And there is something to say for waiting to get married until you find THE ONE, no matter how long that wait is.  There is also something to be said for maturity and lessons that may have taken Michael 62 years to learn… 

None the less, this marriage is kinda freaking me out.  I’m not exactly sure why, it just is.  And as much as I prefer to leave each blog with a firm conclusion – I just can’t find one right now.