Questionably Fabulous

I’ve been meaning to tell you all about this but hadn’t the time and other sheista came up. But this is a good one. 

A few weeks ago I had arranged for my fiancé and I to do the official tasting for our wedding.  We needed to finalize the menu so that we could send out invitations next month.  He is in charge of our rehearsal dinner – a task I begrudgingly bestowed upon him since he wanted to do something completely himself. Anyway, he thought it’d be a good idea to arrange tastings with all the caterers he’d been thinking about for the rehearsal dinner ON THE SAME DAY. 

First off, lets discuss that this event is less than 4 months away and he hasn’t secured a caterer yet.  DEEP BREATH – MOVING ON…

I know what you’re thinking – when you do a tasting you get a full portion of several meals, why on earth would we schedule more than one tasting on any given day.  And the answer, I’m afraid, is you wouldn’t.  Except he did.  So there we were, at 2 pm STUFFED TO THE GILLS with two more caterers to act starved in front of. 

The last place we went was a restaurant that we both LOVE so while we were already in food comas we were excited to give their banquet food a try.  One dish is baked ziti with shredded eggplant – amazing dish.  But, as I said, I was fighting a food coma and as I went in for my second bite I started moving in slow motion. 

Now, for those who don’t know what I look like I have huge tits.  Seriously, they are enormous (and natural – I prefer the term “home grown” since that tends to get a few laughs).  They are so big that sometimes the three of us get into arguments about which of us should get talked to when speaking to members of the opposite sex.  And there is also a game that my friends like to play – basketball, in my cleavage.  I tell all of this to you because hopefully you can see where this is going… 

As I was brining the baked ziti to my mouth, in slow motion, my fiancé and I could see the noodles and cheese and eggplant starting to slip off my fork…  At the site of this landslide a normal person would put the food down, re-fork and start again.  But not me!  I attempted to make the bite successful and sped up the monstrous mountain of food – but the slow motion food induced coma seemed to impair my judgment because instead, I flung the entire thing towards my cleavage…