Questionably Fabulous

Question:  Do you guys normally do a courtesy cough when you are in the restroom taking a deuce and somebody comes in?

See, I normally throw the courtesy cough because we have a two stall bathroom and its common knowledge that one stall is for numero uno and the other stall is for dropping deuces.  If you throw the cough out, you save the awkwardness of someone knocking on the stall while you are doing your business.

Today, however, I was caught up in reading an issue of Rolling Stone (we have a magazine rack in the #2 stall) and I forgot to cough when my boss entered the restroom in the middle of my deuce session.  Thankfully, he went straight to the piss stall and left me in peace.  I soon found out, however, that the courtesy cough has other important ramifications in these economically hard times.

After washing his hands, my boss (per office policy to save on energy bills) kindly turned off the bathroom lights and exited.  I was suddenly plunged into darkness, magazine still in hand, pants still around ankles.

There is a lot of uncertainty that follows when you try to crap in the dark.  Two of the toilet paper rolls were down to the last pieces and I had to fumble in the dark for the fresh roll and try to get that first tricky piece unrolled.  Thankfully, I have been dropping deuces for 28 years and am now a master, so tragedy was averted.  We also have a semi-broken door handle on the deuce stall, and in the dark I would say it took me approximately three times longer than normal to free myself from my stinky cage as a slight bit of panic ensued.

Let my experience be a lesson to you all; abide by the courtesy cough and save yourself from crapping in the pitch black darkness of a cold office restroom.

 -Doctor Jon Julius M.D.