Questionably Fabulous

Yes, this is a person’s name.  No, not their given name, the nickname that my friends and I donned to a poor innocent young lady.  The story is priceless. 

So on Saturday I was a bachelorette, actually I was one all weekend but that is besides the point.  The point is I didn’t have my husband home so there was no date night.  Instead on Saturday night I did what a group of my friends were doing – attending the premier of a surf movie called The Present.  If you know me, you’re prolly picking your jaws up off the floor.  Its weird that I would go to one with my husband who surfs so without him?  Uncanny. 

Anyway, I went.  But in my defense, we were allowed to bring beer.  So I did. 

Click-clank… My purse weighted about 500 lbs as I toted my booze with me downtown and into Central Coast Surf.  As a side note, the movie was actually good.  It made me wanna learn how to surf… which lead to a classic Questionably Fabulous moment.  Someone told me I should get a soft top if I learn how to surf.  I responded with “Is that some kinda hat?” and um, in case you are as out of the surfing loop & lingo as I am, a soft top is a surf board that is softer so that if you fall or it hits you then it doesn’t hurt as much. 

What a digression!  The point is there was a girl there who walked in a little late and sat in front of me.  I first noticed her leopard print bra hanging out of her racer back white tank.  A little slutty, yet, but also in style.  I gave her props for the stripper shoes she modeled, I was envious.  And her hair was cut in a well coiffed stacked bob.  To some of you, this may sound like I’m being harsh or critical about her presentation.  But let me assure you, as a reformed Baltimore Whore I am actually paying her a compliment. 

Fast forward a day to when I’m slumped on my friends’ couch hanging out, drinking an afternoon Belgium and listening to Nick play guitar.  Nick has just moved to SLO.  And I mean JUST moved here.  Like a week ago just moved here.  So, as he starts to play, Kate asks him if he’s heard from Stripper Shoes.

I say, “Who is Stripper Shoes?”

Kate says, “Some girl he met last night at The Present.”

I say, “The one with the stacked hair?”

Nick says, “That’s the one!”

Kate says, “And she wants Nick Dick too!  Real Bad!”

I say, “She was there with her boyfriend!”

Nick says. “Really?  I don’t think so.  She said she’d just moved here with him from Orange County but I don’t think they are togethere.”

I sit up.  Now, ordinarily I don’t like to meddle.  Ok, that is an outright lie.  I should say, ordinarily I don’t interject my opinions all that often.  Ok that is a lie too.  What I’m trying to say is that sometimes guys need help.  And I had to give it to him straight. 

“Nick”, I said, “She was clearly not the surf type and when she walked in she sat down next to Dude and he put his arm around her and kissed her forehead.”

Laughter from the room.

Apparently Stacked Hair Stripper Shoes had approached Nick, they had exchanged phone numbers and then she proceeded to go all “OC” on him as we decided to term it.  Not only did she call him at 8 am (um, 8 am on a Sunday?  For real? And PS, just cause his number is a NYC number doesn’t mean that his body is on NYC time!) Anyway, not only did she call him at 8 am but she then went on to confess that she’d called three people before him looking for him. 

That’s right people, she couldn’t read the phone number (um, why didn’t she store it in her phone?) so she called what she though tit was and it was wrong.  Most normal people would think “shit, he gave me a fake number” not proceed on to calling four more numbers until she got the right one!  Who is this lady?  So then, after she gets him, and confesses her stalker ways she also tells him how she went on and on about the cute guy she met last night to the people in NY who she dialed by accident.  RUN NICK, RUN. 

It gets worse…  throughout the remainder of the morning she texts him a few more times. 

Ease off.  Even at my most desperate of times I was not like that.  That is far too QUESTIONABLY and not enough FABULOUS for my tastes!