Questionably Fabulous

When I was little I was in my mom’s teeny tiny blue Chevette.  Do you remember those cars?  Think Honda Incite size wise but shittier quality.  AM radio only.  No AC (air conditioning, obviously it had me in it).  The windows propped open, didn’t roll.  You get the picture. 

Anyway, one day we were in there and as I’m rummaging through a pile of who knows I what I pulled out a white cloth. 

AC:  What is this? 

Mom:  That is to clean up something that spills.

AC:  But what is it? 

Mom:  Its an old cloth diaper.

AC:  LIKE ONE THAT I USED TO HAVE ON ME?

Mom:  Yes, actually that was one of yours. 

AC:  That is so gross mom!

Mom:  Well its been cleaned like a million times since it was on your bum.

AC:  It doesn’t even look like a diaper, its so dirty and its got dog hair all over it!

Mom:  But it is still one of the most absorbent material out there. 

When I turned 16 my mom gave me my very own Hairy Dirty Diaper to keep in my car in case anything spilled.  And you know what?  It has saved my arse soooo many times, prolly the same number of times it saved my arse back when it was on my arse.  LOL 

One of these times popped into my head a few weeks ago when I was on a road trip with a friend.  We were on our way down to LA from SLO (about 3.5 hours) and we took a short cut over the beautiful 154 – this drives us right past the Cachuma Lake which looks like it is made of Carribian blue water (obviously this is a sun light issue / point of view angle result).  It also drives past a lot of the devastation that the Santa Barbara fires caused.  In parts you can see houses that are only 10 feet away from charred trees.  Its amazing. 

One thing you should know though, is that there is NO BATHROOM BREAK AT ALL ON THIS ROAD.  NONE.  So anyway, I needed to pee.  And of course I think of this one time (at band camp… not) and I start to laugh.  And if you’ve ever needed to pee you know that laughing while trying to “hold it” is not easy. 

I know what you’re thinking “omg, she is going to say she peed into her Hairy Dirty Diaper like she did was she was a baby, eiiiwwwww gross!” ok, but don’t go there cause its not THAT BAD!  I mean, yes, I am as Questionably Fabulous as they come but for realz, I’m not that bad. 

I used to live in Baltimore, Maryland and I think about 6 years ago there was a huge traffic accident.  A tractor trailer fell off an overpass and came crashing down on both directions of Route 95.  Both North and South were closed for I think a whole day and jammed for hours while they were trying to clear cars caught in between exits.  Guess who was caught.  Yup!  Yours truly.  And I needed to pee.  Of course. 

There I was, in my car, in the “fast” lane trapped.  I was desperate, and I’m not proud of this but I had to do something about my bladder.  People…  I’m sorry to say but I did the unthinkable.  I took my water bottle, opened the door and emptied it.  I placed the Hairy Dirty Diaper underneath my water bottle and hoisted myself up on my seat and peed into the cup.  I had to go SO BAD that half way through the process I had to stop, wipe, empty and resume.  I shiver thinking about it.   I laugh to myself now thinking of how proud I was that I didn’t “spill” anywhere and the Hairy Dirty Diaper simply was there in lieu of toilet paper and to wrap up the water bottle (no polluting) until I got home. 

So yea, I think this is a good example of why having a Hairy Dirty Diaper might come in handy, but also certainly qualifies as a for sure Questionably Fabulous Moment of the Day, no?