Questionably Fabulous

I started writing my book today.  It feels great.

Now that The Cannoli is public knowledge it’s been pretty interesting hearing / seeing people’s reactions to the announcement. In true form of my life, several have been completely Questionable… And some are not even Questionably Fabulous.

… are in all right places! Officially, the doctor said so! If you are on Facebook you can watch the latest ultrasound on my or Bryan’s page.

Only due to the Questionably Fabulous customer service of Great Britain I finally have internet service. How long did I go without you ask? Um, try 8 weeks. Yea, two months! Those of you who still live in The States and you have to wait 24 hours or something for a switch to be thrown, don’t complain. And also, for those of you who whine about having to wait from 8 am till 12 noon for the cable guy, yea, shut it. Our electrician was supposed to come on Monday afternoon at 2:30, he showed up at 9 am on Wednesday. No call, no return of my messages…

I’ve been just oh so very busy these last several days… I really need to write several blogs… Here are the titles I’m working on and some highlights from the last few days in London!!!

Yesterday was a splendid day – long but lovely. Can you tell I’m desperately trying to learn my vocabulary here? Last night I said “Blimely I hate that my flat is so small and I can’t get a mobile yet. And if I have to climb one more flight of stairs cause there isn’t a lift in the building I’ll be bloody pissed!” This of course was met with a round of laughter but secretly I was applauding myself – I gotta give myself some credit if no one else will! How Questionably Fabulous is that?

Last night, my last night in San Luis Obispo, California, was ah-mah-zing. Great food at Chow, great friends who are practically family surrounding me, my husband at my side, a photoboth in the empty garage to document every drunken move… I am truely blessed.

Today is Wednesday, January 6th and it has been too long since I’ve poured my heart out over the key board and kept up with this blog. It was once my dream to have this be my career – writing, making people laugh etc. And perhaps it someday will be, but for now I just want it for me. I’m going back to the reason I started to write, to chronicle my life with humor and to help me find my own inner fabulous. And I’ve got some stuff to get off my chest

I definitely do not like variables. I used to think I could tolerate change easily when it was unexpected. For example, if I was driving down the street and got a detour, I could handle that. In this situation it is clear that I could no longer take the route I was planning on and now definitely have to follow the detour signs. No problem. What I could not handle though is a detour sign that said “The road you were going to take is no longer available. You can follow our red detour signs but that may not get you to your destination on time. If you follow the yellow detour signs that may get you to your destination on time but you will need to pay a fine of $100. If you following the green detour signs then we cannot guarantee you’ll ever get to your destination but we will pay you $100. Also, signs along the way will change color and you’ll be put on whatever route we choose to put you on regardless of what you want or how you’ve laid out your day.”

Yea. I cannot handle that. And that is the way my life has been going recently…

So, I quit my job and here I am, my life is working out. And it’s as if I woke up one day and noticed I had a left hand and now every time I look down and see it I’m like “Holy Shit! I have a left hand! Where the hell did that thing come from?”

I’ve been working on the issue of shame lately. Or rather, I’ve been trying to not feel shame about certain things. I’ve been trying to tell people more about me, share more of my intimate secrets… The truth is some of those intimate secrets aren’t as secret as I think they are and some of them are kept hidden away for no reason. The problem? I cannot tell which is which and I tend to set myself up for disappointment.

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My birthday is about as Questionably Fabulous as could be! January 12th is, are you ready? It is Feast of Fabulous Wild Men Day! Yeppers it’s true, but don’t tell my hubby!!!

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This past weekend I had a classic GNO only it wasn’t the kind of classic as I wanted it to be. This Girls’ Night Out was anything but fabulous, it was strange and twisted and confusing and full of puzzlement. And I wasn’t the only one who felt that way, two of my wildest and most regular of mayhem causers were along for the ride and all three of us kept saying things like:

Is this really happening?

Where are we?

Are you seeing what I’m seeing?

And the real question we ended up asking ourselves is: IS IT ALWAYS LIKE THIS AND WE’RE JUST USALLY WASTED OR ARE WE IN SOME KIND OF TIME WARP?

It doesn’t really count cause it isn’t like I wrote something, submitted it and it was published. But my name is there in the byline and my website is noted there too. And it is published in the daily paper. And it will publish a total of four times… so whatevs, I’m psyched!

CLICK ON TITLE TO SEE A PICTURE OF THE PAGE I’M ON!

It’s the Nuevo Mexico piece… If you zoom in real close you can see my name… I was on page A2 bitches!The background is this… An advertiser wanted to have his ad read like a restaurant review. So I wrote him one. And he thought it should look like someone wrote it so I put my name on it… and my website… So what if it is not my writing style or if I don’t necessarily want to write restaurant reviews forever. Side note – I actually think eating for a living and writing about the food would be hella fun but I digress… The point is that people might see this and log on to the website and then fall madly in love with my writing… MAYBE.

I read an incredibly disturbing article yesterday. A school in Virginia has implemented a new security system to keep the kids safe… Its unbelievable to me… They are reading the kids’ vein patterns. Um, yea, that is right up there with retina scans! What is this? Mission Impossible? I’m baffled.

I am not a parent, but I can for sure say that when I become one I will wholeheartedly want to keep my children as safe as possible. But there is just something inherently creepy about reading someone’s vein patterns.

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This is just TOO Questionably Fabulous not to post We’ve all been there sista!

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I’ve put several posts on here from other bloggers who make me laugh or make me really think about stuff. This is just one of those times… I got to thinkin’ about what might be my four most valuable lessons learned. But I could only come up with three… What’s more Questionably Fabulous than that???

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I appreciate the female form. I think straight women, gay men, and certainly the straight men and lesbians will all agree that a woman’s body is just simply beautiful. That being said, I may be in the minority when saying that less is not necessarily more. Sometimes MORE is more. As is more clothing can be more sexy. Am I alone?

Last week I went to San Luis Obispo’s Native Lounge for the fourth week of BOTS – Battle of the Salons – where Shannon McMillan and her husband Eric impressed us once again with their photography of hair in its purest artistic form – done up and sprayed to death. (Obvi I was there, where the else would I be on a Wednesday night in SLO-Town?)

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Someone emailed me this… and for reals, I don’t think so.

Aspire to be Barbie – the bitch has everything.

But if only when you say “everything” you mean tits that are so big they’d break her back and make her topple over, a life that is full of the dreams of the men who made her and so many careers the girl has got to be exhausted.

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